I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
