hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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