I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
