i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
