i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
