the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
