Her vagina should come with caution tape.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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