who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
