Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
only if we run a train.
done.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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