What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
