I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm going to jail i love you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
