i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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