Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
