what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
