I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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