He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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