Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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