Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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