We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
