Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
