There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
