Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
