Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
