Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
