That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
