Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
