Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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