so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
