New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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