Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
