Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
