I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
