You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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