He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
