Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
