All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
