One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
