One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
