we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
be right there i have to get my cape
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
