hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
