chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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