I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
