The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
