I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
