Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
