my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
