I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
