Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
