what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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