so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
