He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
