cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
