Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
