There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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