My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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