All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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